The post that started it all.. You Are Not Alone.
I share and write this for the people who have been through it, are going through it or those of you curious to wonder what it is like. most of all I share this for those of you who feel alone in this. i promise you, you are not alone. we are all around you. it can just feel hard and shameful to talk about. infertility. the taboo word you probably rarely see while scrolling through the beautiful images on Instagram. I bet you thought this was a pregnancy announcement, and I wish it was. this onesie is wrinkled because it’s been sitting under our bed in a box for 2 years since the day I bought it. back when I was full of hope and excitement. I had forgotten how tiny it was. I hadn’t seen it since I had hidden it years ago. it represents too much heartache to look at now. It is one of the few of things I had allowed myself to buy over the years.
My heart is broken. I long for someone I have never known but already love deeply. it is truly impossible to explain or understand fully, unless you are in it. growing your family was supposed to be easy. it was supposed to be fun. it was not supposed to be isolating. or full of tears and disappointment, or home injections and sharps containers. but alas, here we are. in the thickest of it. trying to keep our head above water, a smile on our faces and hope in our hearts. trying to remain genuinely happy for our wonderful, supportive friends as they announce the happy news that they’re expecting, as tears stream down my cheeks for our own “when” and “why”. I am not a cryer by nature, you can ask anyone who knows me. but this journey has truly broken me. i’ve been negative. i’ve been jealous. i’ve been depressed.
The silver lining through all of this are the people and friends who rally around you and show up for you over and over again. who sit with you in the dark with your big feelings. who believe for you when you’ve lost all hope and support you in whatever tough decision you need to make next. If you are in the depths of this right now I may offer this bit of advice - sit with your feelings as long and as often as you need to and when you are ready, look for the light. It is all around you. but I know how difficult it can sometimes be to see it. I am sending you light and I am rooting and wishing for you. and I am always here if you need a friend to listen.
*Also, as a disclaimer and to make my boundaries clear: I am willing to share what I choose to share. If I want to share any other information or more in the future, I will. I ask you to please continue to respect our privacy.